Feel like just giving up

*Warning - rant. Please do not read if you get upset easily*



So i just found out that I won't be getting medicine that I need because I don't know when I'm going to Georgia where my pain management and specialist is. Which means I have to wean off four meds in one month. I think I'm more upset at the responses of some of the people in my life.

1. mom doesn't seem to even give a ****. Doesn't bat an eye. Though her motto is to just suck it up. If you have cancer or whatever, then you still just deal with it. Hell even when I had suicide attempts that landed me in the hospital, she said nothing, did nothing and didn't even talk to me.

2. Had other responses from people who said that what I was doing was a bad idea (like it was my choice!), and how I should just try to find a doctor down here to prescribe it..which isn't going to happen because 1. pain management takes months to get in to, 2. already tried that and they kept "losing" my paperwork or whatever even after a month and 4 tries of trying to get it sent. and 3. I'm moving to GErogia in a month, there is no point in trying to get set up with a pain mgmt doctor down here.

I can deal with the pain aspect...or actually probably can't. Pain tolerance only goes so high. But I'm going to be off my psych med which was a very very bad situation last time around. . So yeah. I don't want to deal with this right now. I know I don't have much control over the situation and frankly right now i don't care. I want to give up and just stop. Hell maybe me going off meds will make them realize how serious my situation is. Not like the docs can find out what's wrong.

oh and found out I'm losing my vision even more, hav to go see a doc to see how bad it is and thn get to enjoy him or her telling me how there is nothing they can do, they won't touch me unless i'm fully blind and that's it.

Sorry for the rant. I'm writing this in a highly upset state of mind, so I know that alot of what I'm writing isn't fully factual in terms of what is going to happen. Or erhaps it is. I just know right now I don't care. I'm angry and I'm tired of this happening. I'm tired of mom holding over my head the fact she is helping me out with medical bills (about ready to tell her to just take me off her insurance, I'll find my own way and live with being unable to walk bcause pain is so severe). I'm just tired. Maybe it's a form of self harm I don't know.

So yeah, if my net stays up long enough for EA to happen, I'll probably just copy and paste this.